Sunday, May 03, 2009

Detective Story 4

The name's Minion, Faceless Minion. I'm a P. I. and odd-job man. They used to say I could've been an evil minion if there hadn't been that accident at the cloning facility.

After the fire, no one says that no more.

It was a dark and … ahem. Rain streaked the window like Tammy Faye's tears the night he walked in. I could tell he was a class act, a full course of trouble with a side order of heartbreak. Roaches scuttled out of the way when he crossed the room.

The dingy light said too little: the svelte figure of a potato, mutton chops the paschal lamb could only dream about, and tiny glasses that would have been cute if they'd sprouted legs and a pointed nose. "I'm looking for a manuscript."

I discreetly tucked the holy water and crucifix back into my desk. "How many words?"

He sniffed, pulled out a kerchief, and dabbed at his eyes. A monogrammed double 'E' glared at me from a lacy corner. "It was amazing. A setting with the structural integrity of lime jello, contradictory themes--"

A grown man's tears. In desperation, I glanced at the coffee pot; the black elixir was crusted with green-gray mold.

"--characters strangled in an air-tight plot--"

I swiveled my chair in time to see George and Bernie duck back into their rat-hole. They'd be no help.

"--but something about the writing screamed at me."

I kept turning until I noticed the window reflecting an empty room behind me.

"It was lost in a fire."

Somehow, I knew the garlic mouthwash on my breath wouldn't save me.

--Faceless Minion


Dave F. said...

This was intellectually lots of fun. Which is to say it's more Woody Allen than Jim Carrey.

_*Rachel*_ said...

I like the imagery with the roaches and the analogies. Nice!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I had to read this twice to get the full effect. Nice work, FM!!


Anonymous said...

Nice texture to this one, Faceless.


Sarah Laurenson said...

Oohh. Loved the bits of this and parts of that. Nice one!

Wes said...

Dang, this is good.