Sunday, May 17, 2009

Evil Vs. Good 1

“Jeez. What a bunch of crap.”

“A bunch, mayhap — but does not this florid assemblage speak of a special kinship? A symbiotic union of souls as words embrace each other into paragraphs?”

“Crap. I said crap, right?”

“Ah! The inevitable cascade of life’s gay splendour ingested, offered anew like a phoenix of fertility, rising o’er—”

“It’s Zombies in post-Apocalypse Connecticut, you prissy fop. I musta read that one like a thousand freakin’ times.

“In truth, it was 997.”

“OK. Bad analogy. Here’s a nickel.”

“But the font, regard you the font. Such sublime swirls and majesties of calligraphic fancy as would grace the wedding cake of newly betrothed angels.”

“You kidding? It’s like trying to read Goldie Hawn’s muff. And these goddam illustrations...”

“Inscribed with the skill of Michelangelo himself: the Sistine Chapel and the Lindisfarne Bible as one. Behold the zombie lord peeling the protagonist’s bloodied sidekick, a hooded cloak for to make. Tis an image rendered as if with a quill plucked from the wing of Pegasus.”

“Or a lousy inkjet. And what about the paper? It’s like a rhino’s ass.”

“And yet, a rhino that has felt the lick of moisturising cream about its much maligned sphincter; a rhino whose hide, if nurtured by you and I, might assume a texture of velvet, such that children may one day gather to pet its silky softness as they look to the stars, their eyes full of hope.”

“No way. Aliens just zapped those goddam kids and I squirted the cream in the waste disposal. As for the rhino, it ain’t no bronco, this ain’t no rodeo and I ain’t no masochistic cowboy — much as my muttonchops resemble the brim of a hat when seen in silhouette.”

“So, we’re throwing it out?”

“Yes”

“OK, I’ll get my scissors...”

--Whirlochre

4 comments:

Dave F. said...

Florid descriptions to savor on a Sunday afternoon in the park not with George but Whirl (not to make a point of it).

I laughed and smiled and did the snoopy dance over this.

_*Rachel*_ said...

Those are NOT illustrations I want to see any time soon.

Anonymous said...

Not sure how one reads a muff anyhow, but thanks for the whirly-twirly ride! You've nailed both Editors and I mean that in the nicest way!

Meri

Whirlochre said...

The Snoopy dance?

Oddly enough, I used to have a beagle as a family pet, and every time she did the SD, she got so excited she pissed everywhere.