The host turned to the camera. “After numerous agents rejected our invitation to appear on this show, we took a brave leap forward and went directly to the editors ourselves. Please welcome, for the first time on video - outside of his blog - Evil Editor.”
Thunder filled the room, emanating from both the enthusiastic applause of the studio audience and Evil Editor’s footsteps. EE crossed the stage and settled into the overstuffed chair next to the host’s desk.
“I’d like to thank you for coming on our program,” the host said.
“Go right ahead.”
“What?” the host asked.
“I said go right ahead,” EE repeated. He tapped the small microphone on his lapel. “Is this thing working?”
“Yes. Go right ahead and what?”
“Thank me.” EE’s eyes glowed red.
“You’re welcome.” The glowing dimmed ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry, what for?”
“You said you would like to thank me. I consented. You did. I said you’re welcome. It’s a common gesture of courtesy, although it can lead to silly repetitive dialogue, which I hate.”
“Right. Well, today we wanted to ask your expert opinion on two literary classics, one modern, and the other age-old. First, MOBY DICK. Whale were you the first time you read MOBY DICK?” The host asked, oblivious to his Freudian slip.
“Are you commenting on my weight?” EE asked, raising his spectacle in preparation for the eventual incineration of the dolt behind the desk.
The host stared at the teleprompter screen in hope of salvation. The last thing he saw was a brilliant flash – perhaps the only moment of true brilliance in his sad existence.
Thunder again filled the room as the audience burst into applause and EE exited stage-left with a look of satisfaction on his face.