All alone in this world. No friends, no family, no joy. Ever since the day, the fateful day of the freak cow accident.
Trust life to work like that—there you are, minding your own business, and BAM! There are the cows.
It’s all my fault, really, just like my bad childhood was my fault. A locked closet and two jars of honey… well, that wasn’t my fault. I should just kill myself, but life is against me. Everything is against me. No gun.
Over in the alley, in the shadows, is… someone. I edge closer.
“You look a bit depressed.”
“You want a way out.”
“You want to do one last good thing before you die.”
“How would you like to help the government test its new HA837 lasers on moving targets? You’d save humanity from the aliens.”
“You’d get to go to a better place.”
“White clouds, sunny days, harps, wings—better, savvy?”
I snort. “The way it’s been going—”
Something whizzes overhead; we look up just in time to see a ray of light shining from the underbelly of a flying saucer. The light flutters over the street and stops only a few yards away. There’s a buzzing, and the lighted area is suddenly full of gibbering creatures. As the light blinks off and the UFO flies away, they come running at us.
No—they’re headed for the dumpster. The flying monkey, pixies, and rogue vigilante sorcerer dive in, and the cow turns to us. “Have you seen the Sword of Endless Enchantment?”
That’s when the guy next to me lets loose with the HA837 laser. I can only note with satisfaction that he got the cow first.