Sunday, July 12, 2009

Professor EE 9

I sit at a desk and fondle my castanets.

Shall I dazzle EE with a tale about a mermaid, rescued from an undersea prison by a couple of cartoon oysters?

Or maybe a yarn about a matching pair of Welsh Love Spoons whose handles were lost in the Maelstrom of Llapgooley?

Or what about a sci-fi epic with two warring galaxies united by the twin cords of rhyme and reason?

I look up at EE. I’m the only one here so I’d better make this special. But what would he like? This fat old curmudgeon with the weirdest facial hair on the planet?

It was a dark and stormy ni

No. That’s been done to death.

But not with castanets.

Castanets raged on a dark and st

No. That’s bollocks.

EE’s taken a book out, so I lean over the desk, scanning the blurry title for inspiration — but even Novel Deviations 3 would have been preferable to Taming Your Hamster The Springsteen Way. Who knew?

The hamsters steered their coracles down the riv

Is that what you do with coracles? And which hamsters, anyway?

Pouchy and Mange paddled

No. This is disappearing up it’s own arse.

I look at EE again. What is it with the guy anyway? Sure, he knows his stuff and all that, but look at him! He’s like a taxi driver in an ill-fitting fancy dress costume.

The coffee lady arrives with coffee. And now I get his secret. When he smiles at her, perspiration rises from her face in wisps and hairs burst from her tights with the zip of a vibrator.

Bingo.

Clutching an ample-breasted senorita in his arms, the rugged matador leapt from bull to bull as the enraged herd trampled through Pamplona’s sun-kissed streets

--Whirlochre

8 comments:

Sarah Laurenson said...

Knew this was yours from the first line. Great job!

Anonymous said...

Whirl, you make Sundays worth waking up to. Including the running of the bulls was inspired and oh-so-topical! Cheers!

Meri

Dave F. said...

I laughed at all the false starts. Very good.

sylvia said...

I want to know more about the hamsters!

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAH! Brilliant! I shall never think of castanets in the same way however...
:-)

Robin S. said...

I look at EE again. What is it with the guy anyway? Sure, he knows his stuff and all that, but look at him! He’s like a taxi driver in an ill-fitting fancy dress costume.

The coffee lady arrives with coffee. And now I get his secret. When he smiles at her, perspiration rises from her face in wisps and hairs burst from her tights with the zip of a vibrator.


HA! I just about screamed through this one - read the Loves Spoons part to JB.

Damn, son.

You and ril, back to back. Sublime.

ril said...

Is this getting close to explaining the Whirl thought process? Fascinating and very funny!

Rick Daley said...

Stunning display of relevant current affairs. And no one was gored.