Sunday, August 30, 2009

Lie to Me 1

I was chosen to go first by the other minions. I have no idea why.

EE was tied and gagged when I began by explaining that this was not my idea and the only reason I was there was to make sure he didn’t get hurt. I could tell he did not believe me, so I expounded by explaining my views on torture – I’m against it. This took about three hours. I knew I had earned his trust when the fear in his eyes was replaced with a familiar glassy-eyed look.

We then talked about the publishing business. In about an hour or two, I explained what I knew about it, which is nothing, but that I had perused, (love that word), hundreds of editors and agents’ blogs which all said the same thing - the chances of a new writer getting published was about zero, unless they were lucky. At this point I told EE all about me, emphasizing; I was one of the luckiest people in the world. I gave examples. EE fell asleep. I woke him up to explain why people fell asleep when stressed.

Afterwards I got to my only question: Were those employed in the publishing industry really martyrs who spent 15 hours a day, seven days a week barreling through slush to find one gem in a pile of worthless trash or were they exaggerating to justify their paychecks and to increase their feelings of self-worth?

Bugged-eyed, EE nodded. I left and the next minion came in. After the gag was removed, the poor man sputtered through tears, “I’ll tell you anything, just please just don’t send her back in.”

The minion smiled, “We love our Infodump girl.”

I have no idea what that means, but I think. . . . ;)

--Vivian Whetham

8 comments:

Dave F. said...

Very good. I had to read this to a friend it's so good.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Did the friend explode?

Dave F. said...

...exploded with laughter, a bit of orange juice, some eggs and two strips of bacon, everything is better with bacon.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Liked them all, but love this one with Infodump Girl.

EE, you're such a good sport. We really do write such nasty things about you, and you keep setting yourself up for more verbal abuse.

If you're the Evil Editor, that makes us the Evil Exercisors, if we do your writing exercises, doesn't it?

Rick Daley said...

Mmmm...Bacon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, guess I should amend my W.E. comment to include this one. Infodump girl is LOL humorous!

Meri

WouldBe said...

Fun, playing the Good Minion/Bad Minion game.

_*Rachel*_ said...

Infodump torture even rivals Twilight torture!