Date: Friday 13th of this year.
Subject: Evil Editor interrogation.
ME: Are you Evil Editor?
ME: Are you a legitimate editor?
EE: What do you mean by legitimate?
EE: You’re new at this, aren’t you?
ME: What? Well, yes, I am. How did you know?
EE: You’re horrible. Quite dull and uninspiring. Of course, that doesn’t automatically make you new. I have other ways of knowing.
ME: You do? Okay. Let’s go with that then. Are you truly evil?
ME: Is your sole purpose in life to make authors/writers feel miserable about themselves?
ME: Can you really destroy things with x-ray vision?
ME: Why, this is incredible! According to the polygraph, everything you’re saying is true.
EE: Of course it’s true. Now, I’ll tell you something else that’s true.
EE: You’ll never get this published. I’ll see to that. No, I won’t have to. You don’t have the talent to write anything anyone would publish anyway. Check your polygraph now.
ME: My God! It says you’re speaking the truth.
EE: Of course it does. Now, I’m going to tell you something else. Unhook this contraption so I can be on my way.
ME: What? Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry. I mean, really, though. Do you think I ever have any chance of being published?
ME: According to the polygraph you’re still telling the truth.
EE: Of course I am. I always tell the truth. That’s what makes me so evil.
ME: There! You’re free. Can you give me any words of hope at all?
EE: Well, it goes against my nature, but how’s this: you hooked the machine up wrong. Good day to you.
Findings: What a fucking waste of time and piece of shit.