Lie to Me 4

Date: Friday 13th of this year.
Subject: Evil Editor interrogation.

ME: Are you Evil Editor?

EE: Yes.

ME: Are you a legitimate editor?

EE: What do you mean by legitimate?

ME: What?

EE: You’re new at this, aren’t you?

ME: What? Well, yes, I am. How did you know?

EE: You’re horrible. Quite dull and uninspiring. Of course, that doesn’t automatically make you new. I have other ways of knowing.

ME: You do? Okay. Let’s go with that then. Are you truly evil?

EE: Yes.

ME: Is your sole purpose in life to make authors/writers feel miserable about themselves?

EE: Yes.

ME: Can you really destroy things with x-ray vision?

EE: Yes.

ME: Why, this is incredible! According to the polygraph, everything you’re saying is true.

EE: Of course it’s true. Now, I’ll tell you something else that’s true.

ME: What?

EE: You’ll never get this published. I’ll see to that. No, I won’t have to. You don’t have the talent to write anything anyone would publish anyway. Check your polygraph now.

ME: My God! It says you’re speaking the truth.

EE: Of course it does. Now, I’m going to tell you something else. Unhook this contraption so I can be on my way.

ME: What? Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry. I mean, really, though. Do you think I ever have any chance of being published?

EE: No.

ME: According to the polygraph you’re still telling the truth.

EE: Of course I am. I always tell the truth. That’s what makes me so evil.

ME: There! You’re free. Can you give me any words of hope at all?

EE: Well, it goes against my nature, but how’s this: you hooked the machine up wrong. Good day to you.

Findings: What a fucking waste of time and piece of shit.

Bevie