Bad Analogy Pitch Session 1

Um, right. Hi. I'm Steve Wright, and I've written this horror novel, and it's scary enough to freeze the marrow of your - marrow of your - marrow of your dreams. Um. If you dream about marrows.

It's got this protagonist - I mean, obviously it's got a protagonist, it's not literary or something - anyway, he's an ordinary guy, ordinary like hamburgers and apple pie - um, that's separately, of course, not together, because hamburgers and apple pie together would be kind of gross.

Anyway. Something weird happens, and then he's sucked up and buried in this maelstrom of, um, onion-skin layers of deceit and confusion, and he's lost in the fog and has to dig his way out. Of the fog. In the maelstrom. Of layers. Um. Not literally onions, of course. Because that would be silly.

There are zombie werecats. Did I mention those already?

Anyway. Um. It's a page-turner, my friends say their eyes were glued to the page, though not literally, because that would make the pages hard to turn. And they're not, because you can turn them.

It's a cathartic reading experience. I mean, like, there was this one time I had, like,
gastroenteritis, and it got really bad, and I just barely got to the bathroom in time, and you know that thing where you're puking and shitting at the same time? And you want to stop but you can't, because the heaves keep on coming? And then finally there's nothing left to come up, or out, and, okay, you're lying on the bathroom floor and you're covered in sweat, and there's, like, all the puke to clean up, but basically there's this big feeling of, like, relief? That's what you get, reading my novel.

Can I send you a full MS?

--Steve Wright