Sunday, September 13, 2009

Bad Analogy Pitch Session 2

I smoothed my pants on the sides of my thighs. As my palms were wet with sweat, that didn’t work so well.

I smiled, but he didn’t smile back, so that didn’t work so well, either.

“Sit down,” he said. So I sat down, not smoothing pants, not smiling.

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

He checked his watch. “You’ve already spent thirty seconds of my, pardon me…of your…precious time. So…”

I started in. “Well, Mr. Ed, I mean, Mr…I mean, well. To start off quickly, let me just say that my favorite authors are those that blend well-wrought fiction, you know, amazing words and ideas…uh, with stories that belong only to them,but still, uh, they marinate, or is it marinade, ” I smiled again, sorta asking, but he just stared, “their experiences with universal language. You know, like, uh, well, like sex, for instance, is a universal language. Like that.”

He looked at me.

So I said, “ Or like Tim O’Brien, for instance, with his Vietnam novels…”

He looked at me. “In what way are Tim O’Brien’s excellent novels like marinated universal sex? And in what way does this connect with the reason you are here today?”

I looked at him.

“Your novel?” He said. “Possibly you haven’t written one, and simply want to chat?”

“Oh, no. Not just chat. I want you to love my book and read my book, well read it first, obviously, and then love it, and then buy my book. My novel. My manuscruipt, I mean. I was just doing the intro…so, uh, my novel is about…I mean, no, no, it’s simply not possible to capture my novel into a quickie light days pantyliner of a tagline. It’s much heavier than that.”

“Jesus, lady…”

--Robin S.


Dave F. said...

I love all the confusion and it is in one mind.

Anonymous said...

Love it! So true enuf to melt even the coldest heart??!


Rick Daley said...

Mr. Ed. Ha! Plus sex...

I'd say wining combination, but I don't think those two items should not be mixed again.

chelsea said...

Oh Robin, you always save the best for last. Heavier, indeed!

~Aimee States said...

Gag worthy and fabulous.

Wes said...

I felt her pain.