Sunday, September 27, 2009

Cab Ride 5

Just come from the writing conference, 'ave yer, gov? Thought so. Bet that was a barrel of laughs, knowwhatImean? All them authors.

Bet none of them was any quality, right, knowwhatImean gov? Bet none of them had a romantic paranormal thriller, 139,000 words, title "Intercourse with the Vampire", Mrs. 'Oskins at the writing group said it was dead good. Bet none of them 'ad class like that, knowwhatImean gov?

I blame all them foreigners, knowwhatImean gov? All them Europeans. Them bloody Portuguese, comin' over 'ere, nicking our Nobel Prizes. And them bloody Swedes are worse.

I mean, who wants to read all that lit'rary stuff, when they could be readin' a romantic paranormal thriller, 139,000 words, title "Intercourse with the Vampire", Mrs. 'Iggins at the post office said it was dead good an' all? Well? But them bloody European litr'ary types 'ave got it all stitched up, knowwhatImean gov?

I mean, I can't even find a bloody agent these days, knowwhatImean gov? Things was different in the old days. I 'ad that Miss Snark in the back of me cab once. Straight up. You can still see the stiletto marks in the ceiling, knowwhatImean gov?

But you can't get a bloody agent for love nor money these days, knowwhatImean gov? Not even for proper quality like a romantic paranormal thriller, 139,000 words, title "Intercourse with the Vampire", Mrs. 'Arris down the supermarket said she'd never seen nuffink like it.

I mean, I blame the EEC, knowwhatImean gov? Prob'ly got a lit'rary fiction quota or sumfink like that. Everyone's got to read that Portuguese lit'rary stuff, there's no room for yer home-grown writer, knowwhatImean gov?

.... Gov?

.... Gov?

Bloody 'ell, 'e's done a runner. Fifth one this week. Bastards.

--Steve Wright

4 comments:

Dave F. said...

I got the feeling there was one lonely thought running around in that cabbie's mind... intercourse with the vampire.

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

You can still see the stiletto marks in the ceiling

Priceless.

And they all run away. LOL

Whirlochre said...

If cold sweat could be marketed, EE would be quids in with this one.

Kathleen said...

I like it! "knowwhatImean gov" became kind of hypnotic.