Sunday, September 20, 2009

PirateSpeak Sermon 2

Well, ye wenches an' biscuit eaters, hear ye this; 'tis a simple lesson Father Ahern was after tellin' ye today before he went aft tae Fiddler's Green: 'Tis a mighty sin to covet yer neighbour's treasure.

Shiver me timbers- ye thar, the scurvy lad in the starboard pew- aye, ye- look lively or ye'll be walkin' the... er... walkin' the... pulpit. Nae, we'll keelhaul ye o'er the steeple, ye scallywag!

Now, as I were sayin', ye'll go straight tae hell via Davy Jones Locker if yer caught covetin' yer neighbour's booty, and especially if yer so bold as to covet yer neighbour's wife's booty. 'Tis a mystery deeper than the very ocean what Father Ahern would have had tae say aboot it, now he's gone tae that great crow's nest in the sky, but I'll tell ye what yer to do: just go ahead an' take it, and that'll solve yer problems, see? Nary a covet more, if ye jes' take the stuff.

Now. That were easy enough! Aye!

Oh, Father Ahern did leave one wee note, 'tis the topic of next week's sermon. “Thou shalt not steal-” oh, bugger. Well, blow me down.

--Mother (Re)produces

6 comments:

_*Rachel*_ said...

Oh, goodness, I really shouldn't drink tea while reading these.

Dave F. said...

You have an odd sense of direction. Keelhaul over the steeple. This is Beyonce-licious, or should I have said bootylicious, or Lady Gaga good...

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Tea? TEA? well, stick me on the front an' call me a maidenhead! ye'll not be drinkin' tea in these parts! 'tis rum we be drinkin, with a shot o' tea!

An' mebe a wee scone if ye swab the deck 'til it shines like the north star, aye an' jam... an' some o' them wee cakes...

Lucy Woodhull said...

I like the way you think, yar.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

well, dave me lad, if we be keelhaulin' 'em under the church, they be comin' up wi' bones in ther teeth. an' they be gettin' the isle- arrrrr i mean *ailse* darty an' we've to swab't all o'er again... 'tis a mess.

Rick Daley said...

This will make me trigger shy to answer my next booty call.