Aargh, I’m a pirate giving a sermon to a bunch of church-loving scrumpets. Walk the plank, walk the plank. You may think that’s what I want you to do. But there you’d be wrong, mates. I’m a pirate, see, and I respect the church, the God up there. Cause otherwise we get struck down, see. Yeah, do unto others… Well, who says so. That’s not God. Read the Bible, it’s about power, land, booty, respect. I read the Bible, yeah, I read the fight scenes. Argh. Treachery, argh, that’s the Bible.
Here goes, a sermon for you mates, a raw carrion sermon served with peppers and cannon balls and Jolly Rogers. Toasted nicely, don’t you think. Argh. Let’s have a swig here.
I’d rob you lot, but you’re too poor. No gold here. Ah, the sermon. Yeah, that’s it.
Hey, there, sit down or I’ll blow your balls off. You, you in the plaid with the turnip on your head. That’s it, ease it back down. Yeah. Argh.
This one’s for you kids, you boys who want to be men some day. Argh, I’m a pirate, a role model, you see. Always watch your back. Yeah, even if your boss says you’re fine. Always watch your back. Cause it’s your back. There’s no heaven. That’s made up for sissies. So, if you get it, you know what I mean, you’re done. Yeah, one-eyed Sharky, and Bulltoad Robbin, and Angel-Eyes, all gone, cause, right, they didn’t watch their backs. And, mates, they ain’t in heaven. They are Gone. Yeah. Had to blow Sharky away myself cause of the booty. Argh. Honor situation, that’s what it was, booty, that’s the lifeblood. Bloody pirates, bloody booty, bloody life. Argh.
That’s it folks, go home, eat good, tend your little gardens. Argh.