"Avast, ye sons of biscuits," I shouted. "Our Cap'n may've drunk his last communion grog, but ye'll not be headin' home to watch TV sports, not till ye've heard a sermon, even if I must gie it meself."
The congregation groaned as one, but filed back into their seats.
"That be better, me hearties," I said. "I see the program be callin for a discussion of the parable of the lost sheep, but I've a tale ye might like better, ye scurvy dogs. 'Tis the parable of the lost ship, a tale I've told many a time elsewhere, but ne'er to this crowd. If someone would be dimmin the lights I'll get me slide show started. Arrrgh.
So thar ye have it, landlubbers. Now get yarrselves home and no sinnin till Monday arrgh ye'll be walkin the plank.