Monday, September 14, 2009

Guess the Title


Religious Book Edition

The book descriptions below were excerpted from the Barnes and Noble web site. Below each description are six titles, one of which is the book's actual title, and five of which were created by the Evil Minions. Which titles are real?

Answers at bottom of post


1. With the Bible in hand, the author sets off to spend a year attempting to follow the innumerous laws of Scripture in order to achieve the supposed claim of fundamentalists who say the Bible should be taken literally.

The Year of Living Biblically
Are You Sure I'm Not in Hell?
This Damn Well Better Have Been Worth it, God
Year Without Sin: I’ll never frigging do that again!
I’ll Be Damned: Eating shrimp and other crimes of moral turpitude
The Unleavened Bread Wasn't Bad: But I don't recommend living in a whale


2. This book will help readers navigate their way through born-again America, with tips on how to avoid being Left Behind, how to protect oneself against demonic locusts, and how to find a guide to class-action suits and post-Rapture therapy.

Beam Me Up, Jesus
Salvation for Dummies
Faith and Loving in Las Vegas
Winging It: Going undercover in Jesusland
If You Know What's Best for Me, Why Are You So Screwed Up?
My Way or the Furnace: An Evangelical's guide to freedom of worship


3. Sure, the rivers and seas will run with blood, locusts will swarm, mountains will move all over the place, and famine will strike. But for the five billion of us left behind, the post-Rapture world will be a time of opportunity.

Apoca-Tips
Making the Apocalypse Work For You
How to Profit from the Coming Rapture
Can I Have Your Stuff?: A guide to the post-rapture economy
50 Stocks that Will Take Off Once Good People Are Out of the Way
Profits For Non-Prophets: How to build your post-apocalyptic nest egg


4. Like Chaplin taking on the Nazis in The Great Dictator, the author has a field day lampooning the patent absurdities espoused by Muslim extremists.

Radical Eye for the Infidel Guy
Worship Allah . . . Or I'll Kill You
A Child's Guide to Killing Americans
The Great Big Book of "Yo, Mohammad..." jokes
And You Thought Christian Fundamentalists Were Nuts
Is That A Beheaded Infidel In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?


5. All about the people known as the Brides of Christ. They wear all-black robes tied with heavy rosary beads and crucifixes that would make any child wince. They cover their heads with vast, winglike hoods. They have no legs but roll along on silent casters. They do not flinch from handing out swift and painful smacks with a switch, cane, or paddle.

Sister Pact
Scary Nuns
And then there was Nun
The Secret Life of Penguins
Get Thee to a Nunnery . . . And Live a Little!
Everything You Ever Thought You Knew About Nuns . . . Is True!



Fake Titles were submitted by

Matthew
Rick Daley
Blogless_Troll
Evil Editor
LL
Vivian Whetham
Sarah from Hawthorne
Min Yin


Scoring

0 right: Atheist
1 right: Agnostic
2 right: Holy
3 right: Angelic
4 right: God's Favorite
5 right: Hell-bound Cheater



Actual Book Titles

The Year of Living Biblically
Beam Me Up Jesus

Radical Eye for the Infidel Guy

How to Profit from the Coming Rapture

Scary Nuns

8 comments:

Matthew said...

I scored one out of five...ouch.

This was fun. I thought some of the fake titles were better than the real ones.

Dave F. said...

I fell between athiest and agnostic. The Nuns are waiting with rulers.

Anonymous said...

What's with all the actual titles being derivitives of other "crative" endeavors?

~Aimee States said...

The fake titles WERE better than the real ones. I think.

pacatrue said...

Some brilliant titles here. I particularly like "Profits for non-Prophets".

Kathleen said...

wow I got them all wrong except for the one I knew. The fake titles were SO MUCH BETTER!

Anonymous said...

1 right - Agnostic but I bragged I knew one and I didn't, which just makes me an arrogant, dumb agnostic.

And, the only one I did know, I knew because he was on the Today Show.

I want someone to write 50 stocks sure to take off once the good guys leave. (just in case, I need a back-up plan . . . )

some of these made-up titles were much better. Who names a book "Scary Nuns?" when they could have named it "Get Thee to a Nunnery . . . And Live a Little!"

This was fun. We should do this more often.

vkw

_*Rachel*_ said...

I think I know who submitted the beheaded infidel.

Woot, I'm apparently holy. I guessed on all of them.