“Uh….”
“Like it?”
EE picked the manuscript up by one dubious corner. “I’ve heard arguments about paper weight and brightness, but—moist and aloe scented?”
Joseph Gayetty smiled obligingly. “Of course. It’s even better than three-ply. Now, are we talking a $500,000 advance?”
“What!” EE sputtered. “I don’t even know how you got in my office or what this is all about, and you’re already suggesting advances I may or may not feel like giving.”
Gayetty leaned in. “Look, buddy, I changed the world for the better and my memoir tells all. All, I say!”
“Nobel Peace Prize?”
“Ha! For deforestation in the name of American derrieres?”
“Wait… what?”
“Yes, I said it. Derrieres!”
“In your book?”
“What do you think I invented, radios? Of course I’ve got bums in my books!”
EE cleaned his glasses. “Tell me a bit more about this.”
Gayetty preened. “It all started with a cornhusk. Those weren’t fun, you know. Even the Sears catalogue wasn’t very fun. I needed something softer and kinder—like cotton and clouds and fluffy, cute bears! Oh, the hours I worked, slaved over it! I had to experiment on myself, you know. Did you know that lots of water is good for your diet, by the way? And when it finally worked, presto! I had the world at my feet. As I always liked to say, they paid from their back pockets and returned it there. *snort*”
“Well… the publicity department might have fun with this. Howzabout you send me a partial—but this time, on two-ply. The ink runs less.”
--_*Rachel*_ (in homage to Joseph Gayetty, inventor of modern toilet paper)
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3 comments:
Clearly, a gentleman whose contribution to history deserves more recognition. We should thank him from the bottoms of our hearts, or vice versa.
Nice one, Steve!
I still say that quality control manager for a toilet paper company is a job from hell. You know you're a success when you wipe the bottoms of the barrel, uh, clean.
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