Historic Figure Pitch Session 5

Nice Dundrearies.

Beg pardon?

Nice Dundrearies. That's what everyone's calling them now.

Calling what?

Muttonchops.

I see. Sir, what is it you--

Of course, yours have a ways to go before they qualify as true Dundrearies. I'd say another four or five inches should do it.

Out of curiosity, why do they call them Dundrearies?

After Lord Dundreary. He's a character in a play. Here, I've got a program from a performance a few nights ago. Check out Lord Dundreary's Dundrearies.

Impressive. I see the play is entitled Our American Cousin. This wouldn't be from the night our president was shot?

As a matter of fact.

Hang onto that. I'm guessing it'll be worth millions on Ebay. Meanwhile, what can I do for you, Mr.--

Booth. John Wilkes Booth.

The J. Wilkes Booth?! The actor? I caught you in Julius Caesar last year. Fabulous performance. What can I do for you, sir?

I'm looking for a book contract. I figure as the man who shot Lincoln, I--

I heard about that. Biggest manhunt in history, yada yada yada. Why'd you do it, by the way?

The guy was 6 foot four, sitting right in front of me. I couldn't see a thing. And when I asked him to take off his stovepipe hat he refused.

The nerve. I sympathize, totally, Mr. Booth. But if we want to sell books, you're better off claiming you did it for political reasons. Tell you what, we'll meet at my place tonight and churn out a rough draft. I see bestseller here, assuming I can keep you under wraps till we're finished.

--Evil Editor