“Yes,” said Pippa, “but. Item: one European astronaut out of three recovered. Not a very big return on their technological investment. And he’s still in the base hospital. And now they’ve lost one of their own noble rescuers in circumstances which are, to say the least, bloody peculiar. I wonder how the Congressional oversight committee feel about smarmy Jack’s Good Samaritan act right now?”
Tony looked at her wearily. “I think you’re making too much of this, Pips,” he said. “I was happier when we thought it was just corruption and incompetence at Sollner Bauvais. You’re building up these layers of conspiracy theories … you’ll be starting your own website next.”
“Hmph,” said Pippa. “Well, we can find out more from smarmy Jack himself, I think. If you’re right, we’ve got an in, there.”
“What?” said Tony. “Come off it, Pips. You can’t blackmail him by threatening to reveal Anne Rocklynne’s not a lesbian.”
“Whatever their thinking,” said Pippa, “they’re acting like they’ve got something to hide. Ergo, they’ve got something to hide. Ergo, they will cooperate with us if they want it to bloody well stay hidden.”
“Right,” said Tony. “So, when do you want to confront Fenner about his guilty secret, then? Sometime after midnight, when there’s no one else around for ten miles, and he just happens to be cleaning his chainsaw?”
“Piffle,” said Pippa. “He’s holding a press conference tomorrow, isn’t he? And you and I are press. So let’s get in there and confer with the bastard. Ask him how come he and the delicious Major turned up at the death in the same car, for starters.” She rolled over onto her back. “I think I’ve dazzled you enough with my brilliance for one day, scum. Come here and scrutinize my bosoms.”
--Steve Wright
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
This is fun, but I think you should capitalise "oversight committee." Makes it more official. :)
It starts and stops. That bugs me.
How about you make the first paragraph start "Yes but," said Pippa, "Item: yada yada. Item: and now they've lost one of their own yada yada. Item: I wonder how yada yada."
If she's got that speech thing going, then don't do just one. It gives her personality. You follow it up later with Ergo. Neat-a-rino
By "wearily" do you mean that her arguments are wearing Tony down?
Also, can you change the ellipsis to "Next"?
And is Smarmy Jack his name? If so, then capitalize both.
"Fenner" just jumped at me. I have no way to know who Fenner is. And the other head-turner is "scum." Now it may be that with a longer excerpt, I would know what they meant but these two things just left me scratching my head.
I did laugh out loud at this. I like the last line.
I'd like to see this in fuller context, the opening was difficult to catch on to. Made up for it in the ending, though.
“Whatever their thinking,” said Pippa
Should be: they're
Intriguing but feels a little bit like an info-dump. I'd rather find out the details of what they know in pieces then have them recite it to each other.
"… you’ll be starting your own website next." did make me laugh, though :)
Sylvia - nah, that's a gerund. "Their thinking" = "the thinking which is theirs".
Of course, "they're thinking" (with a participle) sounds exactly the same, and conveys the same information. But I went with the gerund. There's not enough love for gerunds these days.
AH! As in, "Whatever their thinking is, they're acting like they've got something to hide," I see it now!
As you were, then. ;)
Post a Comment