Comedy Scene 5

Nina ran through the bushes and stopped in her tracks.

A giant wooden sign dangled on the roof of a wooden shack. It read:

Camp PUNK
Parental Units Neglecting Kids

If you’re a mom who needs a break
Come on in, for heaven’s sake.
For a fee, we’ll take your kids
We accept the lowest bids
Our extra easy motto is…
Forget your tots, forget their dinner
It matters not if they get thinner
Stop cleaning socks and dirty floors
Just dump them here, those brutish bores
(Extensions available year round)

To the left, boys and girls sat around two large picnic tables. A few kids had empty plates in front of them, but many who were holding their stomachs and moaning still had leftover pie. Blueberry pie.

Before Tony and Nina could invite themselves to sit for some blueberry pie, a large woman with legs like tree-trunks and arms like alligators stormed over. The shaking of the ground almost caused Tony to lose his balance. He craned his neck to see her. The bottom half of her hair was silver. The top half -a wig- was black.

“You there!” She stepped over Tony (at six feet tall she could easily step over or on any child) and marched toward a boy sitting at the end of one of the tables. “What is eight maggots times seven maggots?” She smacked her lips and waited.

She aimed her question at an unfortunate lad with brown hair and crooked teeth and ten gooey blue fingers.

“Forty-eight?” his little voice quivered.

“Wrong! You stupid little grub.” She twisted her torso to the left, much like a tree would move if it could uproot and replant itself. “Chef! One more slice of blueberry pie!”

--Chris Eldin