Sunday, February 07, 2010

Valentine Reservation 1

Muttering inaudible comments, EE called again, his 4th attempt at reserving a table at the French restaurant, Très Magnifique.

The female matradee answered whimsically, “Bon Jour, Très Magnifique”

Incognito, using a southern drawl, EE said “Howdy there, purdy lady. Would you kindly help me with a reservation…for Valentine’s Day?”

“Monsieur Evil?” She growled.

EE sat silent.

“Oui. I know its zou, Monsieur Evil!” She replied with French snobbery. “I said No! Zou aren’t welcomed here. Stop calling…imbecile!”

“But I need a reservation.” EE pleaded.

“Absolute no. I told zou. I heard what zou did at FiFi’s last year.”

EE countered, “And I explained….I ordered the coveted foie gras and what I got was a culinary catastrophe of pheasant droppings!”

“Foie gras is goose liver…a delicacy, zou idiot!” She cried.

“Yes, well. I uh…of course, know that now…”

“Zou insulted zee Chef, Monsieur”

“Oh, you French are so touchy!

“Zou spit in zee waiter’s eye!”

“That had nothing to do with the food.”

“No?” She asked.

“Oui” EE replied.

“Zhen what?”

“The dolt tried to submit me his manuscript.”

“Ze did not?” She gasped.

“Oui,” EE said chuckling. “And that’s what caught on fire, not the cherries jubilee.”


“Oh it’s possible. He was peddling his manuscript while I was wooing my sweetheart? Why his actions were…criminal!”

“Oui! I zee.” She arched a brow then said, “So…you’re an editor?”


“You know…I wrote a book…say…if you review it then…maybe I could squeeze you in.”

“That’s blackmail,” EE scoffed.

“More like an opportunity.”

“I see.” EE said, pondering her offer and wondering where her accent went.

“Well, Monsieur?”


“We have a bargain?”

“Oui. And my meal better be first rate…or else.”

“My my, Monsieur…you may be our harshest critic yet.”

EE replied with a wry smile, “You can count on it.”

--Mina B.

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