Tax Time 1

There seem to be a few irregularities in these deductions.

Really?

Yes. We’ll have to go through them one-by-one. . .‘Daisy SilverSpank’?

Stripper.

And, she’s a business expenses because you take publishers on power lunches . . .

Hell no. I wouldn’t take a publisher to see Daisy. I wouldn’t offend her like that. Stress reduction therapy. See, I get unsolicited manuscripts from wanna-be writers and I have this slush pile of trash to read . . . and Daisy makes me feel better.

I’m sure she does . . . but $52,000?

Twice a week, every week. Without her, I don’t know where I would be.

I see . . . moving on. County treasurer’s office, $5750?

Slush disposal charge.

I see. . . you had to be pay a dumping fee to dispose of the slush?

No. It was a fine for littering. I put the slush in the back of the truck and went for a drive. Had four Sheriff’s deputies following me before I pulled over . . . felony littering charge. I swear it’s the only one, actually its not but. . . moving on?

Yes, of course. $15,000 to City Stoves?

Wood burning stove and installation . . to

Burn the slush?

Well, I couldn’t use the truck again could I?

Of course not. Lawyer fees . . . . for the littering charge?

Yes, and retainer for plagiarism, libel and character assassination . . . and the assassination.

Moving on. Mr. errrr, Evil? Why do you do it?

Looking for that diamond in the slush. It’s an obsession. I take medication. It’s right there.

Ah, I was wondering what the $152,000 deduction to Al’s Liquor was . . .

--Vivian Whetham