Sunday, April 18, 2010

Fake Query 5

Face-Lift 454: Stellar


Dear Editor,

The iguana says your breath stinks, but I don’t like the iguana and so I thought it’d be a good idea to query you with my 300,000 word autobiography about Aunt Marge’s alien abduction.

I think the iguana is really an alien, but I don’t know for sure. It’s a really good liar. We always thought Aunt Marge was the liar, always cracking these jokes about a talking lizard in her backyard and a spaceship in her barn. It turns out she kept a straight face because she wasn’t joking.

When she disappeared, I flew out to Orlando to see if I could find anything. I’ve always been good about finding things, but finding Aunt Marge has been hard. I haven’t found her yet, but I figured I’d write this all down better if I did it right away. So there’ll be a sequel once I find her.

It could be the aliens who her, because of the spaceship in her barn and the oil stains on the grass. But the iguana says it wasn’t the aliens. I think either the aliens that left the spaceship got her or the iguana ate her. So, when you call me up with an offer, I’d like some advice: if I eat the iguana, is it cannibalism?

Sincerely,

Todd

--_*rachel*_

5 comments:

Khazar-khum said...

If you can't trust an iguana on halitosis, who can you trust?

Dave F. said...

Like the barn of doom -- I have an alien possessed iguana in my barn. Is it 12-21-2012 yet?

Anonymous said...

Someone clearly didn't check the meaning of "eat the Iguana" in Urban Dictionary...

ril said...

Gloriously off-kilter. I like it!

_*rachel*_ said...

Judge: do you swear--
Curly: No, Judgey, but I know all the woids.

Except I don't, and can't find it in Urban Dictionary.