Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The 1st Annual Evil Editor Charity Auction

After seeing how successful the Brenda Novak Auction is, I've decided to have my own auction. I'm starting small, but if this takes off, I'll have more items next year.


EE in Oil.

Self-portrait. As good as the crap you see in places like the Louvre. By the time your kids inherit it, it'll be worth twenty million.

Current Bid: $220,000
Minimum Bid: $230,000
Reserve not met.








An Evaluation of your First Paragraph


by Agent Hannah Rogers. Does not guarantee representation.

Current Bid: $950
Minimum Bid: $1,000
Reserve met.




The Lindbergh Baby

I've had this fellow in my cellar since 1932. He's really become a drain on me, so maybe someone else can take on the responsibility.

Current Bid: $48,000
Minimum Bid: $50,000
Reserve not met.







Evil Editor's "Throne"


It's like giving up an old friend. I've spent so much time sitting here my ass has worn an impression into the seat. Autographed.

Current Bid: $1140
Minimum Bid: $1240
Reserve not met.







The Gulf of Mexico


I shoulda dumped this a while back. It's a fixer-upper, so you can probably get it dirt cheap.

Current Bid: $8,000
Minimum Bid: $9,000
Reserve met.



Frozen Foot of a Hobo


Right foot.

Current Bid: $20
Minimum Bid: $25
Reserve met.








Everything in Evil Editor's Attic Storage Room


Winning bidder will need to bring a truck, boxes and a few workers. Contents of room includes half ton of unopened slush.

Current Bid: $209
Minimum Bid: $219
Reserve met.






An Evaluation of Your First Sentence


by Evil Editor. More manuscripts get rejected after the first sentence than any other sentence. Find out why no one has ever seen your second sentence.

Current Bid: $800
Minimum Bid: $850
Reserve met.

11 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

So much to bid on and I'm clean out of spare cash.

The self portrait is particularly stunning.

ril said...

I'm reliably informed that my first word was "Mama". So, make or break?

Candyland said...

Dibs on the hobo's foot.

Phoenix said...

Are mineral rights included with the Gulf? Or does BP retain those?

_*rachel*_ said...

Good point, ril; my first was "button."

Dibs on the hobo's other foot, and any other edible parts.

Stephen Prosapio said...

ROTFLMAO!

I admit scanning and believing it was a real thing...until the Lindbergh Baby!!!

I am desperate to get an agent to evaluate the *entire* first word of my MS. Allegedly the furthest anyone has ever gotten was: "Sesquipeda--"
:-(

Slush said...

I would be definitely interested in the throne. Maybe some of that Evil Editing energy will transfer to me. Then I would be an editing whiz.

Anonymous said...

Dibs on the word "the", for the first word in my new novel called The Noun and the Other noun.

North said...

You're missing the opportunity to review the first letter for $700.

Brenda Novak said...

Hey, what's up with this? I'm wondering why you've been holding out on me!! Where was all this great stuff when I came to you, hat in hand, asking for donations for MY charity auction? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I gots to get me that toilet! Slush - it's mine, I tell you, its, mine! I bought the matching desk already and it was hard finding a ceramic roll top with pidgeon holes to go with it I don't mind telling you.
Bibi