Sunday, June 13, 2010

Summer School Teacher 3

Memo to students, Creative Writing, Summer Session
News: Grisham unavailable. I'm substituting. First day assignment: What do you expect to get out of this course?
Evil Editor.

Dear Teacher,
What this summer is going to be isn't what I wanted it to be but the teacher gave me a failing grade and I have to learn where periods and commas go and all that other stuff this, this summer while my friends are off at water parks and roller coasters and I'm stuck in this stinking classroom trying to write what I can speak so good,
Pwned by the Man

Instructor Dude,
My gal Missy luvs yur sideburns. Thinks they're hot and says she could make love to them. I got 20-inch arms dude, and if you even look at her, I'll bury your lede wit my fist.
Sincerely, Studboy

Teach!
WU me english noob, need gud grd, wannabe ink-stained retch like grandpa, plox plox, willing to learn, no blah, no mas 4 u & BTW 6 rms riv vu is O!K!
Max

Felicitations,
Tormented by a sordid and sacrificial past and taunted by savage visions of a sorcerer's future trek to Thailand, Thaddeus Blitherington turns to his inept present today to discover monstrous new weapons and fearful death-betraying strategies in his quest for the perfect sword. Along the way he becomes sidekick to a variety of unwholesome and icky aliens and anthromorphs. Also rapiers and magicks. Think epic.
Billy Spurtling, the next great writer

Dear Sub,
How's this: The body lay face down in the living room, dark blood cushioning its head. A tornado destroyed a drive-in and service station on a huge-ass home theater as Jack Parmenides came in from the veranda, wearing a blackberry cellphone, speedo swimsuit and bike shoes.
Buzz

Memo to self: Argh!

--Dave F.

1 comment:

Angie said...

: )
made me laugh.