Why you don't get published.
Unchosen continuations:I know you all think Tiffini married me for my money but you don't understand. She takes care of me and gives me my meds on time so I get what I need instead of before when I kept forgetting them or when they were hidden from me. She makes sure I get everything right on time so I can do right by her. She even helps me sign checks so no one has to see my hands shake. And she takes care of all the bills and the credit cards too so I don't have to worry about them getting stolen like they did that one time at Home Depot.Here she comes with my meds now. i feell bedder affer I take the bluee onn......--Khazar-khumAnd all you can--dang, this doesn't sound right either! On top of that, I'm going to have to copy it all over again in pen--my teacher did say that any important correspondence must never be done in pencil; this one's 'bout wore down to a stub. Plus I think I'm getting writer's cramp and I want everyone to be able to read this without my having to translate.Ah, maybe I'll know off for bed anyway, almost out of paper, have to get another box tomorrow.Are writing your suicide note AGAIN? You know what Grandma said if she catches you!""That you, Grandpa?--Panda Rosa
I don't get "or dear family if you get this a little late." Is "a little late" after she's dead? Is she hoping they'll read her diary before she's dead?The first few sentences sound too coherent to have come from the same person who writes those long run-ons with no focus. She would be more likely to begin:Please don't feel bad and please, please don't take it as a genetic trait because suicide isn't a good thing in most cases, although in mine it was (or it will be, if you're reading this before I'm dead, which you better not be).The run-ons are funny, but to me the writer sounds like she's using them to be intentionally funny, and I suspect you might want it to sound like she's being unintentionally funny. No need to go overboard. Especially if this is going on a long time.Also, it sounds more like a letter to her family than a diary entry, a letter she might have attached to her will in an envelope that says, To be opened in the event of my death. She wouldn't tell her diary not to consider her suicidal tendency genetic. If it's got to be in the diary, maybe it should open:Dear Diary, and Dear family, since I know you'll be reading this after I'm dead, since even my being alive never stopped you from reading it every chance you got,
Is that supposed to be "you don't walk a mile in my slippers?" Is "aren't aren't" deliberate? How does a person who can't manage to endorse a check compose a nice long suicide note? I would expect (maybe it's coming up) something that explains this flash of lucidity.
I would like to read more of this. Yes,there's some inconsistency between the clear concise opening sentences and the later rambling ones, but from the substance of what's written it sounds as though the writer has lucid flashes in which she (I assumed it was she) realizes how far from lucid she has been...quite sad, plausible and compelling, in my opinion. I hope there'll be an explanation for the 'is/was'will be' and the part about reading this too late.
I have two thoughts, first has been noted, the beginning sounds too coherent for what follows. Although, individuals with dementia disorders usually have better times than others, it would not be seen like this. My second thought is the progression of dementia usually results in loss of insight of the symptoms. For example, initially the person will be bothered and will notice they are misplacing things, having difficulty speaking, keeping focus, forgetting things, but by the time they can't write a check or are wearing slippers in the store, they are no longer bothered by the symptoms because they don't have enough cognition left to be AWARE that something is a amiss. If someone points out they didn't write their name correctly, they won't understand what the problem is. If someone points out that they shouldn't wear slippers to the store, they won't know why. (Although when instructed what letters to write or to put on their shoes, they may be able to follow instructions). Those who consider suicide as a means to escape dementia are usually in early stages when they are not only bothered by the condition but have a means to plan, execute and complete a solution to their problem. By the time you can'r remember your name, you are not planning at all. And, someone will be able to write/sign their name after losing most of their other abilities.In other words, if I was investigating this suicide, i would immediately suspect it wasn't a sucide. Of course, this relates to dementia and not other causes of these symptoms. I may read far enough to see what is the Dx. And, I didn't find it amusing at all.
I like the perspective here; it wouldn't hurt to pull the fun bunion part closer the the beginning.
Evil and All, Thanks very much for your comments. I was off running around some ruins in Ayudhya for a couple days and wasn't able to reply sooner. Appreciate the feedback, continutations and the thoughtful comments. Yep, I need to tinker around more. Thanks for the help.Bibi
OI! You are using my font!
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