Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. Josh examines the foibles and challenges of life via the metaphor of surfing, analogizing the ebb and flow of the waves to the internal struggles we all experience within, like totally.
2. "Romantic walks on moonlit beaches," says his personal ad. But who -- or what -- is he? Night after night, he magically melts into the sand and drags his date into the surf! He's the evil super villain known as . . . Undertow.
3. When you've been sent to an island reform school, and you wake up to discover everyone's been kidnapped except you and Logan, it's a bit disconcerting, until you realize Logan is hot hot hot. But then you realize you're the daughter of the American president, so the kidnappers will probably come back for you, but if you try to swim away, you're sure to get caught in the undertow and drown. Maybe if you lock yourself in the janitor's closet with Logan you'll be safe.
4. 17-year-old ocean lifeguard Kortney has Red Cross WSI certification, a stellar employment record, and a terrible secret. She's a vampire. And when a group of foster children on an outing gets caught in a rip tide, she has to make a difficult choice.
5. Newlyweds Spencer and Emily Harris embark on their honeymoon-- a trek across the US in their RV. When they get a flat in the New Mexico desert, a mysterious tow truck driver comes to their rescue, pulling them into a seemingly inescapable horror. Maybe they should have taken that left at Albuquerque.
6. In a flooded dystopian future, the roughnecks of Undertow Inc. eke out a living salvaging the wreckage of Earth's industrial past. But when a routine job uncovers a terrifying secret, the blue-collar submariners find themselves in the middle of a conflict between ruthless pirates and mysterious government agents, over a prize that defies imagination.
Seventeen-year-old Kat has all the attention in the world, except her father's. Maybe that's why she pushed someone through a window, why she's shipped off to some elite island reform school. It hardly seems fair, but then a slap on the wrist just won't do for the President's daughter. [It won't do because the people will assume she's getting preferential treatment. But it sounds like the people aren't being told what her punishment is. In which case they probably assume she's getting preferential treatment.]
With a new identity and no Secret Service stiffs glued to her side she might finally get a whiff of normality. [I don't see being sent to a school full of delinquents normality.] But nothing's normal when you wake to find everyone's gone, everyone except Logan--the school's hottest property. [The word "property" may not be conveying the idea you want. Try "beefstud."]
Unable to contact the mainland, Kat's drowning in questions over the disappearance as feelings develop for the boy by her side. He's not buying her kick-your-ass exterior, senses she's freaking out. But it might be for good reason.
Kidnappers, responsible for the disappearance, have just worked out who Kat really is. [I don't see how they could work this out.
Kidnapper 1: We've loaded forty kids and teachers in the boat, but I don't think we can squeeze these last two in.
Kidnapper 2: Okay, leave 'em behind. The ransom we get for these forty should set us up for life.
Kidnapper 1: It occurs to me that that girl we left behind was the daughter of the president.
Kidnapper 2: Let's go back and get her. If we're gonna have the FBI after us, we might as well invite the Secret Service and the military to join the party.] They're coming back for her, and anyone nearby's bound to cop a bullet. [I've heard of copping a plea and copping a feel. I'm not sure how cop works with bullet. Perhaps use "take." Interestingly, "cop" and "take" can each mean "steal," but Logan won't be stealing a bullet.]
If freedom means throwing every scumbag from the highest window, she'll damn well do it. [If the kidnappers have the numbers and/or weapons needed to abduct everyone in the school, how is a seventeen-year-old girl going to handle them?] If she doesn't, Logan's dead, she'll be caught, and Daddy Dearest might just have to release every terrorist in US custody. [What makes her think the kidnappers are interested in getting terrorists released? If I discovered everyone in my school had vanished, I'd be thinking X-Files or practical joke. Not mass kidnapping with the kidnappers planning to return for me.] And that's the problem. If the choice is country or child, Kat's not sure she'll survive.
UNDERTOW is a young-adult mystery complete at 70,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
If the kidnappers actually want to release terrorists, you'd think their goal would be to get the president's daughter, not everyone except her. You'd think they would be targeting this school because they know the president's daughter is there, and that they would know what she looks like.
I would pluralize both uses of "disappearance."
If everyone disappeared except me, and I decided they were kidnapped, I would assume I wasn't wanted. I wouldn't assume I was left behind as an oversight and they were coming back for me.
Hard to believe there aren't any cell phones available. As everyone was probably asleep when the abductions occurred, making sure no one leaves behind a phone would have been next to impossible. I can't believe the president's daughter would be sent to a place where she couldn't phone home.