Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. He was a lumberjack with a lisp, trapped in the woodth with a killer. And he had only one weapon to defend himself.
2. Audrey froze when her mother died, but then she meets Ben and melts. Ben thinks it's a match made in heaven--until law-enforcing angels descend and try to kill him.
3. When an alluring door-to-door saleswoman cuts Tom Kremenchi a deal, he spends $500 on frozen steaks. But when Tom’s freezer conks out and he’s left with 100 pounds of thawing meat, he makes a grisly discovery. The packages contain human flesh. And now Tom’s on the meat hook… for murder.
4. 2012. The glaciers have melted, freeing bacteria frozen since the last Ice Age. Only Dr. Laura Griffith and her team can stop ancient diseases from "plaguing" humanity. But will Big Pharma prevent them from giving away their life-saving discovery?
5. Global warming is a disaster-- for everyone except the happy hamlet of Fugenfroozen in Greenland. They are excited about finally opening their fancy new beach resort. But the people of Aruba aren't happy about their tourists going away. Will Fugenfroozen survive the war after the . . . Thaw?
6. The mysterious Freeze of 2050 drove human beings underground for decades. Now the temperatures are rising again, and people are poking their heads above ground. The "mystery" is now explained -- and mankind's new overlords await.
Dear Evil Editor,
Audrey Scott thought that after a car wreck claimed her mother’s life, the grief would keep her frozen forever. Her life became nothing but a series of blurry images, masking emotions too severe to expose.
Life threatens to get worse when a bank robber shoots her friend and then turns the gun on her. [Life isn't threatening to get worse, it's already gotten worse. It's threatening to end.] This near death experience puts the illusive Ben Tyler right in the middle of everything- and Audrey begins to melt. ["Everything" is vague. Does Ben show up before the guy pulls the trigger, and save Audrey's life? Does the robber spare Audrey and Ben shows up later?] [What does "melt" mean? That she stops grieving for her mother? That the blurry images her life had become clear up? That she falls for hunky Ben?]
What is it about Ben that changes Audrey so deeply? [I'm all for a quiz to test whether we've been paying attention, but unless the quiz comes at the end of the query, I think it should be multiple choice. Something like:
a. He's only half human.
b. He's her guardian angel.
c. He's a reformed serial killer.
d. He's a pimp with a heart of gold.
e. He's Morgan Freeman.]
He’s a Nephalim: Half Fallen Angel, Half Human. And when Ben reveals this to Audrey, [she says, "Look pal, if you wanna get into my pants, at least come up with a line that's semi-believable.] he inadvertently places them in a conflict as old as time. [Now that's old.] Law enforcing Angels descend, desperate to keep their immense secret, [What secret?] while opportunistic Fallen rise to recruit Ben at all costs. [Recruit him to do what?]
Will Ben be able to survive the Angels, [Survive? They're trying to kill him?] run from the Fallen, protect Audrey, [From what?] and discover what side he's truly fighting for?
Thaw: The Warming of Audrey Scott, [The subtitle doesn't thrill me. Are you worried readers need it to understand why it's called Thaw?] is my completed 37,000 word Young Adult novel. Told from both Audrey and Ben’s point of view, Thaw gives you personal insight into their battle for love and truth, and will interest fans of Stephenie Meyer and Maggie Steifvater. [I before E except after C. It's never good to cite an author while spelling her name wrong. I know the correct spelling because Ms. Stiefvater is an Evil Minion.] [You know you've made it when writers think dropping your name will help get them a contract.] [I wonder if anyone's ever submitted a query claiming their book would appeal to fans of Evil Editor.] I have worked personally with children and teens for the last 7 years, during which I interned with a Youth Ministry, writing various manuals and worksheets for them. At the moment I maintain a technical writing job at [for] a construction news report.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration, and I look forward to your reply.
Does Audrey do anything besides freeze and thaw? Is she useful in fighting angel cops?
Is there a romantic angle? How old are Audrey and Ben?
If you're more specific it'll be more clear. And the four-part question at the end of the plot is a waste of space. Find a better wrap-up.