Monday, March 21, 2011
Guess the Plot
Bad Thing Coming
1. It’s 2012. the world has plummeted into chaos. Japan has been destroyed by a tsunami and nuclear meltdown. A bloody civil war has erupted in Libya and is spreading throughout the continent of Africa. Gas has become the new currency; instead of wallets, men and women carry five gallon gas cans to the store. Two presidential candidates square off and argue over whether Russia can actually be seen from Alaska. A nonfictional account of the upcoming presidential election.
2. A family starting over in their own personal Eden: thousands of acres of unspoiled forest in a remote mountain community in Arizona. What could go wrong? I mean besides a mob syndicate deciding they want the land, forcing them to flee to Mexico.
3. Harvey Hookem, compulsive gambler, never walks under ladders, steps on cracks, or lets black cats get the best of him. So why has his lucky streak of thirteen years deserted him?
4. Oh, she looks innocent. She's five feet tall, she teaches history, and she's seen a lot of it first hand. But Eric and Jenny are hiding in the supply closet one day when Mrs. Sprill transforms. Can they convince the principal that she's actually a brain-sucking demon before she eats them?
5. The beer truck’s late. The bar’s only damn toilet is busted. And to make matters even worse, some city gal with flashy jewelry and long nails that ain’t never seen an honest day’s work had her car break down right in front of his bar. Things just ain’t going Jake’s way.
6. Betsy was never known as the toughest girl in her school until Claudia messed with her in the girls' locker room. When Claudia winds up in the hospital with a toilet seat around her neck, Betsy's reputation changes forever. Now, when people see her walking to the locker room, they know there's a . . . Bad Thing Coming. But will Betsy's longtime crush be impressed?
Lindsey Hunt and Daniel Burke are two people starting over together at mid-life. They, along with Daniel's daughter, Gabby, and her boyfriend, Trent, live in the remote mountain community of Luna Lake, Arizona.
The family’s peaceful existence is shattered when a mob syndicate tries to kill Lindsey in order to seize the thousands of acres of unspoiled forest she has inherited. [Does the syndicate inherit the land if Lindsey dies? If not, what's the point of killing her?] [What does the mob want with unspoiled forest in Arizona? A Miller's Crossing type place for executions?] When the FBI fails to protect them from the ongoing threat, Lindsey and Daniel are forced to flee protective custody [Who is providing protective custody?] and fend for themselves. Gabby, who has always had a sixth sense about “bad things” as she calls them, [As she calls what? Oh, right, bad things.] leads them on a perilous journey of survival. [How old is Gabby? Calling stuff "bad things" makes her sound like a kid. But she has a boyfriend who lives with them, so . . . ]
Always watching over their shoulders, never feeling safe, Lindsey and Daniel assume new identities and lives in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, where ultimately their journey ends and they learn the true identity of those who have betrayed them. [In what way were they betrayed? What about the thousand-acre wood? Does the mob get it?]
I am seeking representation for my suspense/thriller entitled Bad Thing Coming. I would like the opportunity to send you a copy of the manuscript, which is complete at approximately 105,000 words. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
Whattaya mean their journey ends? That's it? The mob threatens them, they flee to Mexico, the end? Where does the suspense/thriller come in? What's this perilous journey of survival that's barely mentioned? Do they head for Mexico on foot with Al Capone hot on their trail?