Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Guess the Plot
The Last Slayer
1. When Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets her old nemesis Faith across the Bingo table at the Happy Valley Retirement Home, carnage ensues.
2. It's hard enough slaying dragons and demons for a living, but when you have to do it while three demigods are trying to kill you, you kind of wish you'd taken a job grooming dogs.
3. Seventeen-year-old Veronica is staying alone at her family's remote beach house overnight. She's fully prepared for the first serial killer--after all, she's seen all the movies. The second one, though, proves harder to kill. By the time the third is mincemeat, she's exhausted. Can Veronica face . . . The Last Slayer?
4. A dragon slayer wakes up from hibernation to find a world free of monsters. He is, however, about to discover that evil creatures do not have to spew fire or be 30 ft tall to be considered deadly.
5. After a global nuclear battle, humans are few, cockroaches are everywhere, and someone is knocking off exterminators at an alarming rate. Soon, Frank Newbongle is the only one left. It seems the radiation has caused the roaches to mutate into hyperintelligent vermin. Look out behind you, Frank!
6. As if being the only surviving member of an '80s hair band wasn't bad enough, finding out that your roadies are really a bunch of angels in disguise really trashes your reputation.
Dear Evil Agent:
I am seeking representation for my novel The Last Slayer, an urban fantasy with romantic elements set in Washington D.C. It's completed at 100,000 words.
Ashera del Cid is a demon hunter who takes great pride in her work. But when a triumvirate of demigods wants her dead [It's hard enough slaying demons when you have one demigod trying to kill you. Three is just unsporting.] for killing one of its [their] dragons, the hunter turns hunted. Even though Ramiel, a rival demigod, offers his help, she turns him down. She isn't dumb [naive?] enough to trust a demon, especially one who arouses her senses like no other. [Is there a difference between a demigod and a demon? Ramiel seems to be both.]
Ramiel has his own agenda. He has waited decades for revenge on the demigod who humiliated and irreversibly crippled him by ripping out his wing, a demigod who just happens to be Ashera's father [He'd have gotten his revenge long ago, but every time he tries to fly after the demigod who de-winged him he ends up going in circles.]
[Is Ashera human? If not, I want that up front. If so, wouldn't a demigod's daughter be more than human?] [Wait, this guy wants to kill his own daughter because she slayed his pet dragon? That's like Obama killing his daughter because she killed their dog. She might deserve it, but it would be lousy PR.] and the one leading the triumvirate against her. Ramiel plans to use Ashera to destroy the world order led by her father and his fellow triumvirs. But Ashera's father, Nathanael, can't allow Ashera to change the status quo. [Move that last sentence to the beginning of the next paragraph.]
He paid dearly to establish dominance over all demons centuries ago as his duties dictated. [Did he know establishing dominance over all demons was part of the job description when he applied?] Yet he is conflicted; killing Ashera will break the heart of the only woman he's ever loved. [I'd like to murder my daughter, but I'm conflicted because I think it'll piss off her mother.]
The stakes are raised when one of the triumvirs poisons Ashera's best friend. [No query letter should include the word "triumvirs" more than once.] To get the antidote Ashera is forced to accept Ramiel's help even though it galls her to bend her principles--she doesn't make deals with demons. [The last phrase was already implied when you said she wasn't dumb enough to trust a demon.]
But [as Ashera and Ramiel battle demigods and dragons--and their mutual distrust--] there is one thing they could never have planned on: falling in love with each other. [We can infer the "with each other" part.] As they struggle with the need to protect their hearts and the desire to reach across the rift of distrust, they must choose between two seemingly mutually exclusive options while fighting vengeful demigods and armies of dragons. [A lot of wordy generality, and not needed if you change the previous sentence as suggested.]
I'm a member of Romance Writers of America and its special interest chapters RWAOnline, and Futuristic, Fantasy & Paranormal. An SASE is enclosed for your response.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Are you sure this is Washington D.C.? Because it sounds more like the Gohr prison planet, Lycos IV.
Posted by Evil Editor at 9:36 AM