Thursday, April 14, 2011
Guess the Plot
Alannian and the Sword of Azallyan
1. Alannian, an Iranian, battles Azallyan, an Albanian, for a sword made of uranium. Basically, a Mesopotamian echolalia. Plus an azalea.
2. With his sword of Azallyan, pubescent adolescent Alannian (an incarnation of Elyyian), and his shaman companion must avert armageddon.
3. Actually Alannian is short for Alannianovichinovakoff, and the Sword of Azallyan is actually the Sacred Sword of Azallvaneepsiepoopoovah, and it is best known as the weapon Alligatorman uses to annihilate aliens.
4. 17-year-old Alanian and his sister Anneallan must steal the Sword of Azallyan from the Hall of Allazynan to save the Kingdom of Allazhean from destruction at the hands of evil Emperor Annazealhan. That is, if bumbling warlock Fred doesn't ruin everything first.
5. Alannian the Aelf attempts to avert the annihilation of ancient Aelfswood by acquiring the amazing sword of Azallyan, advancing to Andromin and attempting the assassination of Aggrok, the administrative assistant of the Assailants Association.
6. Alannian was born in Tazmania and hates the rhyme of his name with his nationality. It's easier to move than to change names, but never one to think things through, he makes his new home in Romania. His treasured sword, a relic from Azallyan, is stolen, and thanks to the Internet, the catchy ditty "Alannian the Romanian lost his sword from Azallyan" catches on as the new little girls' skipping game. Alannian finally finds peace in Bouctouche Canada, which rhymes with nothing.
Dear Evil Query guys:
Thirteen-year-old Alannian is just a prankster in his village. But when he discovers he is the next Incarnation, King Fayavor wants him dead.
For millennia, the Incarnations of the elf Elyyian have kept peace between the elves, humans and dwarves. [By doing what?] King Fayavor believed the Incarnations held the humans back from achieving true greatness, so he used ghastly magic to kill the last Incarnation. Fifty years later, war rages throughout the land and Alannian start [starts] having dreams about the elf Elyyian.
Alannian discovers he is the Incarnation. Now the king wants him dead. [He discovered he was the Incarnation, and the king decided he wanted him dead, back in paragraph 1. Why waste space saying the same thing again?] He flees his village, but royal enforcers brutally kill his uncle. With [the] closest person he had to a father dead, Alannian is more alone then he has ever been. Thankfully, an old magician hides the young boy and teaches him in the ways of the Incarnation.
With his growing powers, Alannian sets off to stop the war and the king before the races destroy each other. Servants of the king hunt Alannian and he must learn who he can trust. The lives of everyone Alannian loves are thrust into the lines of war as Fayavor pursues him. Should Alannian fail, then the war will continue and the three races will destroy each other. [Not necessarily. One of the races could destroy the other two. Preferably humans.]
ALANNIAN AND THE SWORD OF AZALLYAN is a 100,000-word young adult fantasy where the hope of a world rests on the shoulders of a boy, a prankster, a hero. My book will appeal to the fans Christopher Paolini’s INHERITANCE CYCLE. I am working on two follow up novels.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
What are the powers of the Incarnation? They must be pretty good if they allow a 13-year-old to stop a war. Yet he wasn't even aware he had any powers until recently?
Is Alannian a human boy or an elf boy, or a god? Seems like the Incarnation of an elf would be an elf. Is the mind/spirit of Elyyian in Alannian? Does Al still have a will of his own or is Ely calling the shots? If the former, why is the Incarnation called "of the elf Elyyian"?
Based on what little I know about the difference between an incarnation and a reincarnation, I would think the phrase "of the elf Elyyian" would make Al a reincarnation.
Not that it matters, but when there are three races and one is called humans, I usually expect the humans to be like us, and, say, the elves to be magical. But here the king uses ghastly magic, and there's an old magician, and Alannian has powers. How many humans have magic? Do elves?
Just have Al flee the village with royal enforcers on his tail. We don't need the uncle in the query.
If the king's magic could kill the previous Incarnation, why can't it kill Alannian? If the king needs Al to be in the same room to kill him with ghastly magic, he might as well kill him with conventional weapons.
What good does it do to kill an Incarnation if new ones have been turning up for millennia?
Why did it take fifty years for the new Incarnation to show up? Is that the standard time period?
Posted by Evil Editor at 8:50 AM