Guess the Plot
1. Her father wrote Carrie and The Stand. She wants to form an eighties-style hair band. "Damn Yankees" is taken. What to do?
2. Alyanna has three sisters--correction, three dumb-as-bricks, boring, drunken half-sisters. They are called princesses only because they fell out of the brain-dead Queen's womb, while she is the child of the gorgeous, brilliant royal mistress. When she hears that Prince Fabrian is coming to visit, Alyanna decides that maybe it's time those bimbos learned a few lessons.
3. Bruce orders a sign for his Scottish pub, The Royal Princess. The sign maker employs non-English speakers. Their boss mistranslates the name and the sign maker mistranslates it back. It goes up while Bruce is on holiday and the Board of Commerce won’t permit a replacement for ten years. He’s the laughingstock of the county. But they won’t be laughing after he drowns the hecklers in cheap scotch.
4. Princess Natale can't understand why her father is at war with the dark king. Hating the bloodshed, Natale demands answers from her father, but he uses her as a sacrificial pawn in hopes of ending the conflict. But before she's lost forever, a black knight falls in love with her and sweeps her to safety. The bishops on both sides declare the two heretics, and the queen, the one person who's always protected Natale, is unable to help. Now it is up to Natale to save herself, and her land.
5. In aneffort to gether wordcount downto somethingsaleable, anauthor hitsupon thestrategyof combining wordssothe computer willdeclare hercount tobe 147,000 insteadof 240,000, butitstillgetsrejectedforbeingtoolong.
6. Princess Alena is heir to the throne, but when her father dies, her evil stepmother hires assassins to get rid of her. But Alena has a few cards up her sleeve, including magical armor and an army of centaurs.
7. After the king is mistakenly informed that his new progeny is male, the queen and her courtiers rear Prince Layne the way all royal princes have been educated, including his choice of horse, sport, and princess. While fox hunts and archery are enjoyable, that last item gets a little dicey. When the princess of the neighboring kingdom comes for a visit, Prince Layne falls hard – for her brother.
Dear Evil Editor
The king is dead. Now his daughter will do whatever it takes to keep a kingdom that has never had a ruling queen from falling apart. And she's not sure who's more of a threat: the men who want to kill her, or the men who want to marry her. [It's the men who want to kill her. (Eliminate them first. Then when you get married there's just one guy you have to eliminate).]
Alena Theradran [Anagram: Dan Rather.] has been training to take her father's place for the last decade. But Alena's stepmother has a plan to get her own claws on the throne. [Does the plan include the use of claws?] Fleeing from assassins, Alena takes refuge with the powerful Duke Rurik Northgarde. With Rurik's aid she may yet claim her throne, if she can persuade the wild horselords to honor the pact they made with her ancestors. [How was that pact worded? We the wild horselords will aid you against your enemies if, when the time comes, you can persuade us to do so?]
Rurik Northgarde uses duty like armor to protect his past. [I'm too busy to try to figure out what that means.] Aiding Alena forces him to reveal, one after another, his battle magics and his hidden disgrace. [Or that.] Still, he clings to his last secret, even if it means the woman he loves and fought for will marry someone else. [Are we talking about Alena?]
Becoming queen is only the first of Alena's problems. Her lords demand she marry. Alena challenges all her suitors to prove their worth by combat. [Why?] When the tournament takes a threatening turn, Alena decides to enter. Her armor hides more than just her face, and Alena discovers [when she falls and can't get up, that] her most dangerous enemy may be herself.
I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, Kingsdaughter, complete at 147,000 words. This is a stand alone work, but I am currently writing a related novel. Thank you for your consideration.
I missed the part where Ruruk falls in love and fights for Alena. Do you mean he fought off the assassins? Or did they have a history? What about the wild horselords? Did they come through, or did they say, Pact? What pact?
Get rid of the wild horselords. I can't even tell if they're people or horses or centaurs. Though I assume centaurs. Get rid of the third paragraph and replace it with something that bridges the gap to the fourth paragraph, like, Ruruk kills the assassins and leads his army to Alena's castle, where they kill all the men who want to kill Alena and all the men who want to marry her, and her evil stepmother. Finally she's queen, although there's no one left to rule over.
Who does Alena marry if she wins the tournament? If she wins, does the guy who comes in second say, Hey, WTF? Does Rurik participate in the tournament?
What are these magics? I don't see a princess winning this tournament without magic, but isn't that cheating?