1. What the--??
Authors with books that they feel are ready for publication prepare query letters (or synopses), which they plan to send to publishers or literary agents. They get these into the best possible condition, and then email them to Evil Editor. Evil Editor prints them exactly as they came to him, adding his own comments in a different color. Evil Editor's comments are intended for entertainment purposes only, although many readers insist on finding them instructional as well. The word limit for a synopsis is 400. Queries aren't limited by EE, but if you can't fit it on one page, it's probably too long.
Email queries and synopses to email@example.com. Within the email, not attached. If your query gives no clue as to where your title comes from, that's fine, but you might let Evil Editor know where you got the title, so that he can create a "Guess the Plot" that sounds like someone might reasonably have made it up after seeing your title.
At the beginning of each Face-Lift is a feature called Guess the Plot. It includes five fake plots along with the correct plot for the title of the book. The fake plots are submitted by EE's Evil Minions, of which you are now one. Click on "Query Queue" in the sidebar for a list of titles waiting for fake plots. Send as many as you like.
3. How else--?
You may submit the opening of your novel or short story (to firstname.lastname@example.org).
Or continue someone else's opening. Click the CONTINUE SOMEONE'S OPENING link in the sidebar for more information.
You may comment on any post. When submitting a comment, try to be helpful or witty or both. All authors enjoy praise and constructive criticism. And don't forget to include praise for Evil Editor.
You may follow Evil Editor on Twitter. Evil Editor's handle is @TheEvilEditor.
You may also show up, read the new posts, and leave. No obligation, except to have fun.
4. Can I--?
No. You must be willing to be humiliated (or praised) in a public forum. The lessons to be learned from having your query critiqued are probably available in the critiques of other authors' work, however, so if you don't have the guts to submit, read the archives.
5. What if--?
If you disagree with Evil Editor, strive to see where you've gone wrong. If you disagree with a commenter, remember, it's just one person's opinion. It's your book. A consensus of opinions may indicate that you have a problem worth addressing.
If you've submitted a query, you should soon find it listed in "QUERY QUEUE" (Link in sidebar). Others in the queue have been waiting longer than you, so be patient. Queries/synopses are critiqued in the order received.
7. What about--?
Most of them are answered in the archives. If reading the archives is a pain, you can order Evil Editor's books, Why You Don't Get Published (which collects most of the Q and A's along with hilarious excerpts from the Face-Lifts), Novel Deviations, which collects the best of the New Beginnings, and Evil Editor Teaches School (which collects the best of the writing exercises.
The archives, by the way, may be more enjoyable if you read from the earliest to the latest, as there are a few inside jokes you won't find amusing otherwise. True, it would take months to read the archives, but that's your fault for showing up so late.